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Question:
My husband is addicted to pornography. I've prayed, talked to him about it and even talked to other godly men who had been through the same thing and had them counsel him. He never tells me when he's tempted. I eventually find out and am crushed each time. He wants to be free from this but is far too ashamed to go to a counselor or someone he knows. What can we do about it before it ruins our marriage?

Dr. Tom:
Porn addiction is especially hard to break because it is a secret thing. As long as it is kept secret (denial), it is hard to stop. The addicted person usually doesn't have the will power to stop on his own. If he is serious about breaking his habit, he has to come to the point of admitting his problem and getting help and accountability. Try the following:

1. Do some research: get your facts straight on how porn addiction can be dealt with. There are many good sites on the web:
see http://www.no-porn.com and Focus on the Family

2. Share your concern that it is time to get this problem dealt with, that you understand how hard this habit is to break and that many others also struggle with it. Insist that he contact a counselor or recovery group where there is a high level of accountability and begin attending meetings.

3. Work on the follow-through: that he begin the meetings and that you stop tolerating his behavior

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