LifeChangers

Promoting Success in Personal, Marriage and Family Life

Ask the Experts / Q and A

Ask Dr. Tom your Question

Question:
My husband and I have been married for years and have had our share of problems, including some significant emotional/mental issues he needs to get help with. I care about him, love him, and think he is a good person with problems. One problem which I cannot accept, however, is the lying. The lies are usually fairly minor, so there are probably many I do not know about. I find myself questioning his every word. I can no longer tolerate the lies.

I also met someone else whom I believe I could love and have a happy future. I want to do the right thing but also want to find hope. I want to do the right thing. I feel sad because personal happiness may not be mine. I know that marital counseling would help, but I need my husband's cooperation. Any advice?

Dr. Tom:
You are facing a few different issues. One, your husband may need psychological help. Two, you both need marriage counseling. Three, you need to decide to be faithful to God and to your husband. You won't find happiness by breaking your marriage vows. God promises when we do what is right, we will get on the track to true joy and peace. Note: this requires that we "do" something. Don't passively wait for the situation to change. There are many things you can do: find a therapist, join a support group, talk to your husband, move on with your life even if he won't, get active in your church, serve someone else... Write back after you get started!

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